Most divorced parents try very hard to do everything right with their kids. However, the very emotional politics that come with divorced parenting can unintentionally draw the kids onto a battle ground. Following these will be a gift to your kids.

1. Be appropriately interested in your child’s life with your ex. Do not be stone silent when Dad’s or Mom’s name comes up. If you take a position such as “What happens at her house is not my business”, your child will hear your anger behind the comment. Ask mild questions of genuine interest, like “How was your week?” or “Did you have good time at Grandma’s?” On the other hand, probing will be uncomfortable for your child. NOT appropriate would be a stream of questions about Mom’s new boyfriend.

2. Keep your child out of the middle of you and your ex. Yes, you have heard this before and perhaps you are dong a good job of it. But, be careful that you are not subtly pressuring your child. You may be revealing more than you think.
Example: If it comes as a surprise to you that your child is getting D’s in a subject, you may be
tempted to drop a comment about your ex leaving you out of the loop. While you can certainly
talk with your child about the grade problems, get more information by civilly approaching your
ex, despite your fury that you had a right to know.

3. Work with your new husband /wife or boyfriend or girlfriend to give you all the leeway you need to make your kids feel important in your life. And unfortunately as lovely as he or she may be, your new partner may not be welcomed by your kids right now. You cannot make kids feel any different than they do at the time.
Kids are on their own clock. But you can work towards changing their minds by respecting their
feelings of today. If the divorce is new and they want to be only with you on an occasion such as Father’s Day or Mother’s Day, ask for your partner’s understanding. It may be the best investment for future relationships.

4. Be a mature support when your child is upset at her other parent. This is not your opportunity to join the cause. Children are protective of their parents no matter what. Echoing their father’s shortcomings, even if true, does not help them feel better. A better response that will earn the
respect of your child: Listen with quiet understanding or a simple statement like “I know you
love him.”

5. Call a genuine truce with your ex, for your child’s life cycle events. When there is a birthday party, a graduation or a wedding the moment belongs to your child. Show up, dress appropriate, say hello to everyone. Behave in a way that makes your child proud of you. You will be teaching dignity and tasteful behavior choices.