Social Skills and Managing Emotions: Helping Your Child with Impulse Control in Social Situations

By Ellen Mossman- Glazer M.Ed. Life Skills Coach, Behavior Specialist.

Help your kids manage their emotions and avoid sabotaging their good times with impulsive behavior. This is especially challenging for kids and adults who are highly sensitive, or who have Asperger Syndrome, Autism or ADHD.

Here are seven strategies to help them handle frustration.

1. Help them find in-the-moment strategies for self-calming. Make your child an active participant in exploring what will work best for him. 'Take a break'. 'Tune in to what’s happening with your body'. 'Take your mind to an imaginary place that feels peaceful'.

2. Get clear on triggers that send your child into meltdown. Ask questions like “What happens just before you want to explode?” Notice patterns, such as tiredness or hunger that wear down energy and bring on irritable moods. Once you identify triggers, you can then work on helping your child to avoid ‘losing it’.

3. For kids who don’t or won’t talk much, create a system where they write or tape their feelings to be shared when they are ready. This is a great way to safely vent feelings and often, that’s as far as it may need to go.

4. Agree on signals that will cue your child to avoid behaviors that invite frustration or embarrassment. Sometimes they just do not know until it’s too late. You may not always be able to be at the scene, but when you can, have a subtle way of sending a “You are heading for trouble" message. It may be a wink or a gesture as subtle as smoothing your hair back – just enough for her to pick up the cue and say “Woops!” and do a self-correction.

5. Help your child to think ahead about the consequences to his actions. Ask questions like “What will it feel like after you do this?” and “What do you think will happen if ---?”

6. Help your child prepare for the inevitable mistakes. Ask thinking questions of your child: “How will you help yourself make a correction for the future?” or “What can you do right away if this happens again?”

7. Make it safe for your child to come you to process what happened. If you preach, judge or over-teach you may not get another chance to help for a long time.

Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2005. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, providing it remains as written with all contact and copyright information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is coaching and education and not intended to take the place of psychological services, where advised and appropriate.

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.

Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2006. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, providing it remains as written with all contact and copyright information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is coaching and education and not intended to take the place of psychological services, where advised and appropriate.