Social Skills and Friendship: 6 Strategies to Make and Keep Friends When It Does Not Come Naturally

By Ellen Mossman- Glazer M.Ed. Life Skills Coach, Behavior Specialist.

Making friends is a skill. It takes confidence and intuition. And in some cases it takes time and help. Our kids and adults who have Asperger Syndrome or Autism need extra help in picking up the subtle steps.

Following are six ways you can work with your kids to help them grow confidence and competence with their peers in social settings:

1. Identify very specifically the social skills your kids most need to learn. If your child tends to get into arguments with peers about what they will do together, you have an opportunity to teach a problem solving skill. In this case the skill will be 'negotiating differences with friends'.

2. Break each social skill into its own little set of sub-skills. Bite off only what your child can easily chew on. If the primary social skill you want to teach is 'how to approach a friend to get together on the weekend', the sub-skills can include: “Who will you approach?” “When is a good time to ask?” “Where can you plan to be together?” "What will be your suggestions about what you and your friend will enjoy doing together on Saturday?"

3. Prepare your child with skills that reciprocate and encourage friendship. Listening to the other person's feelings and sharing your belongings are two skills that build trust and lasting friendship.

4. Find entertaining ways to work on skills. The social problem scenarios in your childrens' entertainment are great for case studies. The TV shows and movies your kids love are great material for brainstorming strategies and solutions. Practice in role play.Make it a game. Be the characters. Find entertaining ways of working on skills.

5. Encourage your kids to go places where they are more likely to meet friends with whom they have common interests. If your child loves comic books, he will have a built in topic to talk about with the kids from the comic book club.

6. Help them identify the peers who would be the right friends for them. They may not agree and you may have to let them go forth and experience disappointment. Don't judge, but do use those experiences to help them explore how to choose who they spend time with.

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.

Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2006. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, providing it remains as written with all contact and copyright information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is coaching and education and not intended to take the place of psychological services, where advised and appropriate.