Social Skills Training and Rewards: Six Tips for Fine Tuning Your Child's Behavior Change Program

By Ellen Mossman- Glazer M.Ed. Life Skills Coach, Behavior Specialist.

Of course, you want your child to experience that internal sense of satisfaction of a job well done. That is a feeling money cannot buy. But for the tougher skills and for our more challenging loved ones, concrete rewards are appropriate and valuable as motivational tools.

I have heard parents and teachers lament, “This behavior mod stuff does not work!” Well, chances are, they just need to have a closer look at the reward component of their behavior change program. Here are six key questions to help you design and refine your child’s reward system:

1. Did you design a tracking system that is easy to implement, for both you and your child? Your child needs to have a way to visually monitor his progress and predict when a reward will happen. Your tracking system can be in the traditional form of a chart or check list. For some kids, paper systems are not particularly exciting or can even be confusing. Your child might better enjoy a tactile approach, where he gets to hold and handle objects that he accumulates towards a reward. He can drop a penny into a jar for each positive action. Or string together buttons, paper clips or beads and watch the strand grow. You can hand your child one card from a deck, each time you see the wanted behavior.

2. Is your reward plan in balance with the two other key ingredients of a behavior change program? You need to set out clear expectations [goals] and the consequences [natural outcomes] that influence when and if the rewards are coming. When you offer rewards without those other two components, you and your child are trying to finish a puzzle with two thirds of the pieces missing.

3. Did you involve your child in choosing the rewards to be earned? Participating in all the good things that will happen is a great motivator. Letting your child in on the ground floor gives self-esteem building messages. You are saying, “You are a partner in all parts of this program and I want to hear what is important to you." and "I trust you to stick to the decisions you commit to.” Kids with special needs diagnoses such as Autism, Asperger Syndrome and ADHD need rewards that are designed according to their special interests or unique ways of being motivated.

4. Do you have a 'miscellaneous' category in your behavior program? This will give you a catch-all place to give your child reward credit when you see an unanticipated, outstanding action or effort.

5. Do you reward reliably? Choose rewards that you can deliver on time. We would not like to wait for our paycheck because our employer didn’t make a bank deposit. Be prepared to pay up when the reward is earned. If the reward is something that requires planning, such as an outing to a favorite place, give immediate reinforcement by setting the date with your child - and be sure to follow through!

6. Are your rewards realistic in size? Rewards do not have to be big. The important thing is that they are 'do-able' for you. Don’t overlook time as a reward – one-to-one with mom or an outing with dad.

For more tips and tools to work with rewards in your behavior change program, see companion articles:

Social Skills and Rewards: Five Tips for Tailoring your Behavior Change System to a Perfect Fit for your Child

Social Skills and Your Behavior Change Program: Troubleshooting When the Rewards Aren't Working

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavior Specialist. She is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Parents, Educators and Caregivers and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. Currently she works in private practice helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones find the tools to thrive.

Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2006. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, providing it remains as written with all contact and copyright information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is coaching and education and not intended to take the place of psychological services, where advised and appropriate.