Your success in working with people, and especially with your challenging loved ones, is tied to how emotionally intelligent you operate. Here is a quick primer to get you on your way to creating your own personal and productive Emotional Operating System.
10 Tips to Working With Your Emotions – Intelligently!
1. Know your feelings – and how strong they may be – before you get into action with your challenging people.
2. Make behavior decisions that you will feel proud of. Your style will be their style. “They” learn by watching you and listening to you.
3. Know what others are feeling. Understand that you may not agree.
4. Find the words to convey your feelings without denying someone else theirs.
5. Seek out the good things in a situation, even if they are microscopic or a real stretch.
6. Be persistent – appropriately! Stay on track. Back off the track when you know you will get nowhere right now.
7. Monitor your impulses. Reflect on your own thinking that won’t help in the bigger picture.
8. You may need to withdraw your approval. But in the process don’t withdraw the love.
9. Have tools to manage your emotions before you are swept away by them.
10. Think about how you deliver your message. What would you be feeling if you were on the receiving end? Care about the feelings of the other person. It’s just the good old golden rule.
Refer to and live these ‘process’ steps as you work with your challenging loved ones and you will begin to see the bonus you give to yourself.
Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2009. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, providing it remains as written with all contact and copyright information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is coaching and education and not intended to take the place of psychological services, where advised and appropriate. Contact me at ellen@artofbehaviorchange.com
Feelings Education: Getting Beyond Sad, Mad and Glad
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Those simple single syllable emotion words are the first and easiest for young children to learn. Then, as they grow, it is time for parents, educators and caregivers to help them move beyond sad, mad and glad…
A Different Curriculum
When kids come home with A’s and B’s in reading writing and math, parents feel a sense of security that their children are building the skills that will help them succeed in life. Then there is a whole set of different and important skills, which help our kids get smarter about the variety of emotions they feel and encounter on a daily basis.
Understanding one’s own emotions can make the difference between a physical fight and a deep breath. Understanding in- the-moment emotions of others is an invaluable social skill. For children and adults with Asperger Syndrome and Autism, navigating the territory of emotions is a particularly puzzling challenge.
Here are a few solid reasons to create your own emotional intelligence curriculum.
Take Action: Build a Feelings Vocabulary
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