Social Skills and Feelings Education: Five Ways to Coach Your Child on Emotions in Everyday Life
By Ellen Mossman- Glazer M.Ed. Life Skills Coach, Behavior Specialist.

When kids come home with A’s and B’s in reading writing and math, parents feel a sense of security that their children are building the skills that will help them succeed in life. Then there is another set of important skills, which help our kids get smarter about the emotions they feel and encounter on a daily basis.

Tell it like it is~

The question “How do you feel?” is always answered by emotion words. ”I have a ton of work and I don’t know how I will get through it.” does not tell what one feels, although in that simple example, most of us get the message. “I am overwhelmed with work and worried about finishing on time.” does convey how someone feels when there's a big workload to conquer.

Emotions are taboo territory for many adults. So making the leap to helping their children deal with emotions is a tough one for them. But helping our kids to understand their own emotions can make the difference between a physical fight and a deep breath. For children and adults with Asperger Syndrome and Autism, navigating emotional situations is an extraordinarily puzzling challenge.

Why is it so important to teach feelings education?

• Children learn to feel comfortable expressing their fears, guilt or feelings of isolation, when it is a natural thing to discuss emotions with their trusted adults. Many kids keep quiet about toxic feelings that build up and make them vulnerable to even more disturbing feelings, such as hopelessness and despair.

• It is a confidence builder when kids have a sense of control about being able to handle an emotional situation. Self-confidence is fuel for kids to use their talents and keep stretching their abilities.

• Understanding feelings help to develop personal qualities like kindness and empathy.

Following are five strategies to weave emotional education into the daily lives of your children, students or challenging loved ones.

1. Broaden your child’s vocabulary of feeling words by using some of the more vivid ones when the emotional moment arises.

When a child says, “I feel sad” he may actually want to articulate worry, loneliness, or helplessness. Sadness, when there is some kind of loss involved, can mean anything on a continuum of feelings ranging from a little disappointment to serious grieving. Help your child express just what is going on. ”Are you scared?” “You felt ignored.” That made you pretty angry.”

2. Come up with questions that problem solve feelings issues.

“What can you do to help someone feel [happy]?”

“ How would you know if someone felt [scared]?”

“ What can you do when you feel [impatient]?”

“If you felt [jealous/confused/afraid] what would you do?”

3. Help your child put a name to feelings. Use normal daily events for teachable moments.

Your teen comes in disgruntled. Grumpy? Frustrated? Your child failed a test. Worried? Confused? Your child’s team triumphed. Proud? Exhilarated?

4. Avert a looming crisis by labeling a negative emotion as you see it coming.

When your child is on emotional overload, sometimes just acknowledging what she is going through will help her stay composed. For example: Parent: “You feel just too tired and cranky to finish your homework.” Child: “Yes!” Next time she may be able to label the feeling for herself.

5. Sprinkle your own vocabulary with words your kids know but are not inclined to be the ones on the tip of their tongue.

Here are a few feeling words useful for the daily ups and downs.

impatient
embarrassed
anxious
ashamed
amazed

For a free download of feelings graphics go to www.feelingfacescards.com Have fun with it!

Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2005. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, providing it remains as written with all contact and copyright information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is coaching and education and not intended to take the place of psychological services, where advised and appropriate.