Trust in the power of just one single sentence to get your child quickly back on track. When you are trying to get your children to pay better attention to their responsibilities, make a brief, very specific sentence your first and main strategy instead of revving up for the drain of debate, confrontation and consequencing.
You may want your child to settle down to homework, finish a chore, or make a better choice about something. It’s the ‘less is more’ model. Just a few words can say everything that needs to be heard.
The SSS Method
Create a Short Specific Statement. Here are a few different types for some typical situations:
Redirect. “The next thing you need to do is walk to your desk.” No nagging, just the statement. Repeat it until your child sees you will not engage you in any other conversation.
Refocus with a question. “What do you need to be doing next?” Keep asking until you hear or see the answer.
Start with “When” to perfectly handle requests that are not appropriate at the moment.
“When you have done your homework we can talk about the weekend.”
“When you wake up in the morning you can have your keys back.”
Show understanding, but set up a plan, without judgment. Your child failed a test and did not tell you.
” We will go talk to the teacher and find out what you need to do to bring your grade up.” Some kids keep school issues undercover, lying to parents rather than disappointing or angering them. They are more likely to keep you informed if they feel they will not be judged.
Handle slacking off.
“OK, let’s go from here.” No lectures. Just go forward.
Reframe. When your child is down on himself, give him an encouraging phrase to replace the discouragement.
“I will do this the best I can and that is that.”
State your feelings calmly though you want to explode.
“I’m too angry to talk right now, I need some time.”and exit the scene. Don’t worry about what is going on behind you until you compose yourself and are ready to get back into it.
Two Essential Tips for Successful Short Specific Statements
Notice if your tone of voice escalates as you work harder to get your point heard and heeded.If so, you are giving your child the message you feel yourself losing ground. Make your statement as neutral as you would say, “Please pass the potatoes” and practice if you must, to be sure your voice and body language come across just as unflappable.
Stick to your statement and no other words! This is where you will trip up. If you expect your child to take some action as a result of your statement, repeat it and nothing else. If you feel you have repeated it enough, exit the scene for a while.
Make up your personal list of resourceful SSS’s and see how much simpler it gets!
Social Skills and Cooperation: Short Specific Statements That Say Everything You Need
Tags: listening, Social skills Leave a comment
Trust in the power of just one single sentence to get your child quickly back on track. When you are trying to get your children to pay better attention to their responsibilities, make a brief, very specific sentence your first and main strategy instead of revving up for the drain of debate, confrontation and consequencing.
You may want your child to settle down to homework, finish a chore, or make a better choice about something. It’s the ‘less is more’ model. Just a few words can say everything that needs to be heard.
The SSS Method
Create a Short Specific Statement. Here are a few different types for some typical situations:
Redirect. “The next thing you need to do is walk to your desk.” No nagging, just the statement. Repeat it until your child sees you will not engage you in any other conversation.
Refocus with a question. “What do you need to be doing next?” Keep asking until you hear or see the answer.
Start with “When” to perfectly handle requests that are not appropriate at the moment.
“When you have done your homework we can talk about the weekend.”
“When you wake up in the morning you can have your keys back.”
Show understanding, but set up a plan, without judgment. Your child failed a test and did not tell you.
” We will go talk to the teacher and find out what you need to do to bring your grade up.” Some kids keep school issues undercover, lying to parents rather than disappointing or angering them. They are more likely to keep you informed if they feel they will not be judged.
Handle slacking off.
“OK, let’s go from here.” No lectures. Just go forward.
Reframe. When your child is down on himself, give him an encouraging phrase to replace the discouragement.
“I will do this the best I can and that is that.”
State your feelings calmly though you want to explode.
“I’m too angry to talk right now, I need some time.”and exit the scene. Don’t worry about what is going on behind you until you compose yourself and are ready to get back into it.
Two Essential Tips for Successful Short Specific Statements
Notice if your tone of voice escalates as you work harder to get your point heard and heeded.If so, you are giving your child the message you feel yourself losing ground. Make your statement as neutral as you would say, “Please pass the potatoes” and practice if you must, to be sure your voice and body language come across just as unflappable.
Stick to your statement and no other words! This is where you will trip up. If you expect your child to take some action as a result of your statement, repeat it and nothing else. If you feel you have repeated it enough, exit the scene for a while.
Make up your personal list of resourceful SSS’s and see how much simpler it gets!