Are you ready to give up the frustration, doubt and exhaustion
related to disciplining your challenging child?
Discover how to
ELIMINATE TANTRUMS AND POWER STRUGGLES
while using Positive Discipline Strategies! Learn the secrets of using
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES AND TIME-OUT at the RIGHT TIME in the RIGHT way.
Give up the guesswork of when to negotiate, when to give choices and when to hold firm, when parenting your highly spirited, ultra-sensitive, unpredictably explosive or impulsively aggressive [but delightfully clever!] child.
If you are convinced you have “Tried everything! Nothing works!” you have not yet discovered the simple secrets to child discipline that quickly retool your parenting techniques to be THE right fit for you and for your child.
When you hit that wall of exasperation because your toddler is defiant or your older child is protesting about everything, it is nearly impossible for you to figure it out on your own. The solutions often turn out to be surprisingly obvious but despite all your good parenting qualities, you are too stuck in the problem to see how to solve it.
It is instinctive for children to challenge parents, and you have to be ready BEFORE you hit that wall…
What happens to parents when they hit
the exasperation wall?
After so much draining frustration with a challenging behavior,
parents give up and give in and STOP being the parent!
What happens to kids when parents STOP
being the parent?
Instead of learning self-control, kids TAKE control.
Your children do not really want that ability to control. Kids feel uncomfortable and guilty when they know they are disappointing their parents. They do not feel good about “getting away with” disregarding and disrespecting their parents. Kids WANT to be good!
A common scenario of how a parent stops being the parent and the child is in charge~
Mom to Child: “Come down from the counter, Jenny. Jenny come down from the counter! COME DOWN FROM THE COUNTER! JENNY GET DOWN NOW!” (Then the Mom switches to another strategy.) “I will count to three!” Mom counts…and Jenny keeps moving toward the cookie cupboard.
Jenny has learned how to control the situation. She knows Mom’s discipline pattern. If we could hear what Jenny was thinking it would be “I have time before I have to listen. And I am going to get that cookie!” Jenny was in no hurry to follow mom’s directions because she could pinpoint the precise moment that mom would reach her boiling point, take back her parent role and take action.
In other variations where parents step out of being “the parent” ~
- Frustrated parents give long lectures and nothing changes because kids hear “lecture” and tune out the learning.
- Grasping for dramatic results, infuriated parents go for unrealistic OVERSIZED consequences that are nearly impossible to enforce. “You are OFF the computer for 6 months!”
Over days and years parents and kids get stuck in those ineffective patterns. That ongoing conflict erodes your relationship with your child. And one day, when your child is older, you say to yourself “Why is this so hard?” You cannot roll back time and redo the simple but baffling steps.
And when kids are focused on being a challenge, they are distracted from their job of being a child. They are missing out on important time to work and play their way through their developmental learning steps.
I hope this helps others, and I will keep in touch and let you know what is happening with us. Thank you again for all your help through all of this.
Shannon K. and Austin 2 ½ Colorado Springs
Are you ready to regain your energy, and your peace of mind
AND a sense of control over your child’s behavior –
without taking away his or her unique spirit and individuality.
Where are you stuck? Bedtime? Public behaviors? Refusals? Home routines? Social skills? Toddler testing? Aggression tactics – biting, hitting, kicking, running?
There is a lot of detail work in child discipline! When you have those details in place you and your child are calmer. There is a sense of order and peace in your home. Your family has more fun because now you have time for it!
Our work is not about what is wrong with your child. It is not about what is wrong with your parenting.
Our work is creating the specific and tailored steps and strategies that WORK for YOU and YOUR child
I help you see where you are stuck. We do intensive work together for a short period of time.
Have you watched this TV show?
The supernanny shows up at the home of a family home whose lives are in chaos. Kids are fighting, rebelling, competing, or just doing whatever they want. Parents are frazzled. The tension in that home comes right through your screen.
Fast forward to the end. You see happy, well-behaved kids, and calm and effective parents. Everyone is more affectionate. And the family says good-bye to the supernanny with teary hugs and thanks.
Why was this an emotional time?
This family has transformed into a loving, respectful family. They are all deeply appreciative of how the supernanny came into their home, with her no-nonsense but caring approach, and brought calm and order to their household. Parents and kids are now settled into their appropriate and comfortable roles and routines, and everyone can relax and move on to accomplish what they are supposed to. AND have more fun as a family.
That is what I teach and help you accomplish.
Ellen, In my progress updates I have not been writing much because Ali has been behaving well and when her emotions begins to escalate we go right to following the steps in the plan, And we’re better equipped to handle the little things that come up, thanks to you. Nothing major has happened, just normal pouting at bedtime and some angry moments, nothing out of control.
Jennifer S. mother of Alice 6 years old, San Francisco CA
I have twin boy toddlers who, in addition to some delayed speech, joined forces to give me, their mom, some trying behavioral challenges. Ellen stepped in at just the right time. She suggested approaches to channeling their strong-willed and often defiant behavior into more positive expressions of their personalities. She was patient with the boys and was creative in adapting behavior modification methods specific for each child.
L. Williams, mother of twin boy toddlers (age 2)
Colorado Springs, CO
Are you wondering what is different about my system?
This is not a one-size–fits-child program.
Behavior change is an Art!
To see real and lasting change you need a system that works for you and your child. My system is a straightforward formula with three main ingredients.
Prepare + Plan + Personalize = Problem Solved!
I work with you to tailor each ingredient to be a fit for you and your child. Then I help you put them into practice with precision… and the flexibility your child may also need.
Best of all, you will not be going it alone!
I will be ON-CALL to help you STOP behavior problems in their tracks!
As we work together we will be developing your guidebook for helping your child feel and be at his or her very best.
Here is what happens with each step of the formula:
First we PREPARE, by gathering key information about your child and your specific goals for behavior change, for example ~
- Your priority list of challenging behaviors you want to target for quick results
- What you are doing now that is working well and not working
- Your child’s behavior triggers, sensitivities, and silent frustrations
- Strengths and interests that light up your child
- Privileges and rewards your child currently has and how they are working
Next we PLAN a system that includes ~
- Prevention steps that may stop the problem before it starts
- Specific steps for you to follow when difficulties begin
- Expectations you set that are achievable for your child
- A menu of techniques and strategies that you can choose from that are a fit for your child and each specific challenging situation
- Choices that give your child opportunities for independence
- How to introduce and explain these changes and new expectations to your child
- Opportunities for your child to be involved with decisions about the new behavior system
Finally we PERSONALIZE the system by adding incentives that work for your child, for example ~
- Incentives and rewards that are meaningful for your child – and do not cost money!
- Natural consequences that will be a fit for your child’s personality and temperament, AND are non-punitive, positive learning experiences
- Visual tracking materials to motivate you and your child to stay with the plan and see the progress build.
We also personalize the plan to be fit for you, the parent! You will learn
- How to calmly respond so your child listens to you immediately
- How to stay at the controls with confidence
- How to help your child express feelings instead of releasing them as tantrums, whining or attention seeking behavior
- How to replace your child’s nagging, refusing and protesting with age-appropriate communication
How I work with Parents
- You will work directly with me as you implement the new techniques. You’ll send me progress reports. We will see what works well and what needs a change or just a tweak. We “massage” the system until it is well tailored for parent and child.
- I will show you where you can make life easier for yourself. If you have to dust off and start again at any step, don’t worry, I help you keep going… and I show you the progress you may not recognize.
- We use best practice methods and I will create support materials and give you resources that help you even more and keep your child interested, motivated, and having fun with success.
Your family will have more time to be playful, happy and make warm memories together.
Where did I learn this?
My first job was an eye opener! As a beginning special education teacher, working at a treatment center for kids with serious social-emotional problems, I was raring and ready to take on the challenge of teaching these kids to use their smart brains! As soon as I tried to get serious about “schoolwork” they looked at me like “Who are you kidding?” Immediately I realized that the first steps were to understand and work with the "whole" child while creating a trusting relationship. From those moments, I was hooked on figuring out the mystery of inspiring each child and my work has since been all about solving challenging behavior problems and helping kids and parents have great relationships.
I went back to university and enjoyed my studies to earn graduate degrees in behavioral and developmental psychology, but my richest learning experiences have come from my work with multi-disciplinary treatment teams, in many types of settings, helping parents and kids of all ages with many types of challenges and diagnoses.
Over the 25 years I have worked in child development, I have seen a wonderful and important shift from the “wait and see” attitude to early intervention. The earlier the better… but it is never too late to help children thrive.
What is holding you back from getting started?
Some parents wait, thinking, “This will pass” or “This is just a stage.” That is outdated thinking! If you feel uncomfortable about something going on with your child’s behavior, or stuck in handling a behavior problem, do not wait until early childhood becomes middle childhood and suddenly, you are dealing with a teenager, and you wished you had taken action earlier. There is no time to waste in the life of a developing child!
What if I could tell you in one complimentary session how to make a big difference in your child’s behavior within one week?
Click here to set up your free strategy session with me. [No obligation! But I will help you decide your best next steps.] Or send me an email me directly to ellen@ArtofBehaviorChange.com
I work with individuals, parent couples, families and children. I have a variety of programs and methods of connecting with you. We may work by phone, in-person, skype video, go-to-meeting, webinars or in teleseminar groups.
I look forward to hearing from you.
